I’m a magician
When you grow up looking like I do, you’ve gotta be
I was born with my costume on nice and tidy
The hair curling out of my scalp, my nostrils a bit wider than you’re used to, and of course
Most importantly
The dark, dark skin that stretches across a frame, built thin enough to prove that I’m not frightening
And tonight, every night, I am at your service
I am the illusionist
I hide my blackness in plain sight
The way I walk, the way I talk, distractions, leading your eyes away from the fear you’d hold towards me
I’ll hide my anger, desperation, exhaustion, pain, all behind the curtain
I’ll move that clutter, I’ll set the stage
Cause I am here for your viewing pleasure
I am the actor
I use my pain to entertain
Cause why listen otherwise?
So you ask for my stories, my torment, my life
And when you’re reminded
That it happens even when you’re not looking, not listening
Then
Then
You’ll ask me how I’m feeling
But I’ll put on a show
I’ll pick out your card with a wink and a flourish
I’ll put in the skill and you’ll still say its luck
Because of what I am, not who
But I’ll tell you, I’ve seen the luck of the draw
And I’ve seen my fellow performers get lost in the shuffle
I know what happens when I stop performing
When the illusion drops
When my nice white smile fades
When your eyes start drifting back towards that fear
You’re reminded there’s a man on this stage, not a show
And I’m not ready for my disappearing act